Sat Oct 07, 2006 10:19 am   Reply with quote      

So I said to the gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?".

He said "How flexible are you?".

I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

Aaron

Sat Oct 07, 2006 10:25 am   Reply with quote      

You lost me ...

Sat Oct 07, 2006 8:15 pm   Reply with quote      

Oh dear... jokes are never as good when you have to explain 'em...!



...meaning "how supple are you"?

He replied...



...meaning that he was fairly flexible because there was only one day of the week when he couldn't make it to the gym.

Get it now...?

Aaron

Sat Oct 07, 2006 11:25 pm   Reply with quote      

Too sophisticated ...

Sun Oct 08, 2006 9:01 am   Reply with quote      

Too sophisticated, huh...?

You lot don't like subtley in your jokes, do you?

OK, I'll try again...

Q. Why should you walk carefully when it's raining cats and dogs?





















A. You might step in a poodle.

Sun Oct 08, 2006 10:20 am   Reply with quote      

I hate to tell you this, but ... this is not funny ...

Sun Oct 08, 2006 1:44 pm   Reply with quote      

Having a sense of humour failure?

C'mon then... give us your best joke.

Mon Oct 09, 2006 9:19 am   Reply with quote      

Well, this isn't my original, but here you go.

Bush Goes to Hell

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One day in the future, George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."

Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room. In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

So the devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Bush took this in in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"
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Wed Oct 11, 2006 12:02 pm   Reply with quote      

Ha, ha... yeah, I'll grant you that, that is pretty funny. In fact, it reminds me of this joke:

A famous male stripper was doing a show in a small town. The place was crowded and buzzing with anticipation. When he had taken off all his clothes, he announced his sensational finish. A huge crocodile was broad onto the stage. He ordered it to open its mouth and the crocodile opened its mouth. He gently placed his penis between it's enormous teeth, and told it to close its mouth around it. The crocodile closed its mouth. Nobody in the audience dared to breath. Then the stripper told the animal to open its mouth again, but the crocodile didn't react. The stripper was now beginning to sweat as he repeated his order. Still no reaction. Then the stripper hit the crocodile several times on the head with a heavy hammer, and the crocodile opened its mouth. The stripper could take out his penis without a scratch. Then he turned to the audience. "Would anybody like to try this trick ?"

Nobody reacted, girls were looking nervously at their boyfriends, who looked nervously at each other. The stripper repeated his question. Still no reaction from the crowd.

Then a little old lady approached the stage and said "I wouldn't mind giving it a try, but you'd have to promise not to hit me so hard with the hammer."

Aaron

Wed Oct 11, 2006 5:33 pm   Reply with quote      

Good one, Aaron!

What has a bottom at the top?

Answer: Your legs!

Wed Oct 11, 2006 9:14 pm   Reply with quote      

Not bad, not bad ...